

We want music that goes PLINKY-PLINK AND DOOPY-DOO not "motherfucking west coast mother fucker, y'all"! We want to fight WEIRD MONSTERS not drug-dealing criminals! We want to restore our health by COLLECTING ROAST CHICKEN, not by syringing drugs into the only vein we can still find! Games have gone SHIT and DARK and RUBBISH and WE WANT THEM BACK!

We want to COLLECT BANANAS FROM MAGIC CASTLES not earn respect from fictional gang leaders! We want to stun enemies with BOUNCE ATTACKS, not shoot them in unrealistic and shoddy drive-bys! Games need BLUE SKIES! Games need BRIGHT YELLOW SUNS! Games need RED AND BLUE THINGS in them! We want to play in a HAPPY PRETEND LAND, not a shit version of an American slum full of mixed-race gangsters wearing licensed sportswear! LCD and plasma HDTV guide for PS3 and Xbox 360 Save yourself from the agony of our "off days". These are the updates people have liked most.
